Who Am I Making Art For?

You would hope the answer to that question would be me, wouldn't you. Recently I've been asking myself this question a lot when I'm searching for inspiration and reference material. Every now and again I find myself thinking of what other people would be more likely to like on facebook or reblog on tumblr. I know these thoughts are ridiculous and the more I sketch the more I realise that I need to please myself with my art before I try pleasing anyone else.

This piece has over 100 notes on tumblr. This piece also only took half the time of my usual sketches. You never know what people will respond to but it shouldn't be my job to think about that too much. I need to make for myself... not for likes.

Trying to please others is what lead me to stop making art in the first place but I hadn't quite realised this until recently after having a conversation with a colleague at work. She had come across my instagram account which I have recently been more active due to me setting myself the challenge of sketching or making a piece of art everyday this year. It got us on the talking about art as a career and why I hadn't pursued it. She went on to tell me about how her mother makes dresses in her spare time and had even made her wedding dress which caused her to ask why she hadn't turned dress making into a business. Her mother responded by saying that she never wanted to turn something she loved into a job because she could quite easily begin to hate it if she spent her days making dresses she didn't like or just didn't want to make but had to because it was her job. Keeping it a hobby would ensure she would never hate it.

This struck a cord with me because it was basically what had stopped me from going to art school turning my hobby into a career. I had a taste of hating my hobby in my last year of high school where I had stopped making art I wanted to make and instead was making things to please others or to achieve a grade. And even though I look back at that year and I'm proud at the volume of work I managed to do and my A grade, I also felt and still do feel shame that I had done so much work that didn't reflect who I was, and so my self esteem nose dived as a response.

The sketch a day 2016 challenge so far has been great at helping build up my self esteem. I don't think enjoying art fully again is as simple as making something I truly want to make. Perfectionism and high expectations also have there part to play but making things I believe should always be what drives me forward.

Having said all of this, I do find pleasure in making things for other people at times. Making other people happy with a drawing can be an amazing feeling but I think it's about finding a balance. I'll let you know when I have struck that balance and stop waffling now!