I think one of the hardest things anyone can draw is themselves. Personally I've always loved drawing people but when it comes to drawing myself I'm not so comfortable with it.
When I did Advanced Higher Art back in high school I chose Self Portraiture as the theme for my course work without realising what I had let myself in for. I hadn't quite fully realised how big a role self perception plays in how a self portrait turns out. Depending on how I felt about my life but more importantly myself, tended to altered the outcome of each portrait. So on one day I may have felt self conscious about my appearance causing me to adjust my features to look "prettier" or I could go opposite way and emphasise how big my chin was or how wide my face appeared to be without realising what I was doing until I stepped back to look at what I thought was the finished piece. It was basically an exercise in illustrating body dismorphia.
Very rarely did I hit that sweet spot of actually seeing myself for what I actually was and managed to separate myself from my perception of myself. But as I'm getting older I feel like I'm get better at it. Maybe not the drawing part just yet but at least the part of accepting my appearance. It all seems so shallow and vain when you put it in terms of appearance. To a degree it is. But my style of art has always been based in the realm of realism so it comes with the territory.
On my birthday this year I decided to draw myself for the first time in while. I used a photograph as reference and even though the finished sketch wasn't identical to the photograph I could see myself in parts looking back in the drawing. I think I should probably draw myself more, at least once year anyway. Just to check in and see how I see myself at that point in time.
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