Who Am I Making Art For?

You would hope the answer to that question would be me, wouldn't you. Recently I've been asking myself this question a lot when I'm searching for inspiration and reference material. Every now and again I find myself thinking of what other people would be more likely to like on facebook or reblog on tumblr. I know these thoughts are ridiculous and the more I sketch the more I realise that I need to please myself with my art before I try pleasing anyone else.

This piece has over 100 notes on tumblr. This piece also only took half the time of my usual sketches. You never know what people will respond to but it shouldn't be my job to think about that too much. I need to make for myself... not for likes.

Trying to please others is what lead me to stop making art in the first place but I hadn't quite realised this until recently after having a conversation with a colleague at work. She had come across my instagram account which I have recently been more active due to me setting myself the challenge of sketching or making a piece of art everyday this year. It got us on the talking about art as a career and why I hadn't pursued it. She went on to tell me about how her mother makes dresses in her spare time and had even made her wedding dress which caused her to ask why she hadn't turned dress making into a business. Her mother responded by saying that she never wanted to turn something she loved into a job because she could quite easily begin to hate it if she spent her days making dresses she didn't like or just didn't want to make but had to because it was her job. Keeping it a hobby would ensure she would never hate it.

This struck a cord with me because it was basically what had stopped me from going to art school turning my hobby into a career. I had a taste of hating my hobby in my last year of high school where I had stopped making art I wanted to make and instead was making things to please others or to achieve a grade. And even though I look back at that year and I'm proud at the volume of work I managed to do and my A grade, I also felt and still do feel shame that I had done so much work that didn't reflect who I was, and so my self esteem nose dived as a response.

The sketch a day 2016 challenge so far has been great at helping build up my self esteem. I don't think enjoying art fully again is as simple as making something I truly want to make. Perfectionism and high expectations also have there part to play but making things I believe should always be what drives me forward.

Having said all of this, I do find pleasure in making things for other people at times. Making other people happy with a drawing can be an amazing feeling but I think it's about finding a balance. I'll let you know when I have struck that balance and stop waffling now!

Self Portraiture

 

 

I think one of the hardest things anyone can draw is themselves. Personally I've always loved drawing people but when it comes to drawing myself I'm not so comfortable with it.

 

When I did Advanced Higher Art back in high school I chose Self Portraiture as the theme for my course work without realising what I had let myself in for. I hadn't quite fully realised how big a role self perception plays in how a self portrait turns out. Depending on how I felt about my life but more importantly myself, tended to altered the outcome of each portrait. So on one day I may have felt self conscious about my appearance causing me to adjust my features to look "prettier" or I could go opposite way and emphasise how big my chin was or how wide my face appeared to be without realising what I was doing until I stepped back to look at what I thought was the finished piece. It was basically an exercise in illustrating body dismorphia.

 

Very rarely did I hit that sweet spot of actually seeing myself for what I actually was and managed to separate myself from my perception of myself. But as I'm getting older I feel like I'm get better at it. Maybe not the drawing part just yet but at least the part of accepting my appearance. It all seems so shallow and vain when you put it in terms of appearance. To a degree it is. But my style of art has always been based in the realm of realism so it comes with the territory.

 

On my birthday this year I decided to draw myself for the first time in while. I used a photograph as reference and even though the finished sketch wasn't identical to the photograph I could see myself in parts looking back in the drawing. I think I should probably draw myself more, at least once year anyway. Just to check in and see how I see myself at that point in time.  

Sketch A Day 2016 progress and Watercolour pencils

Even though it's only the 14th, I'm already looking back through my sketches and feeling quite proud of myself that I've managed to do quite a few. When I set myself the challenge of a sketch a day I thought a lot of them would be small, lazy drawings that I would quickly upload to get it out the way. But I'm finding I've done quite a few that are quite detailed. Obviously I won't always be able to do this all the time but it's nice to know that I'm capable of it. I also thought I might have packed it in by now since I decided to do it on a whim! Glad I haven't.

So here are my two favourites in case you haven't had to chance to see them yet.

Both of these pieces were done with watercolour pencils which I have found to be so much fun to use. Even though I quite like coloured pencils on there own, there is nothing like being able to use a brush and water for me. It's just so smooth and therapeutic, whereas pencils can be quite stressful at times especially when working with a lot of colour. I'll definitely be using more of these!

I've been trying to use a variety of different mediums and found charcoal and chalk pastels to be the most difficult for me to use. Hopefully in the coming months I will have grown more comfortable with them so much so that I will feature them as a favourite. But for now they shall stay a challenge.  

Stay tuned for more sketch posts soon!

Hazel, xoxo

All the Links

I thought it would be handy put all my links up all in one place. Chances are I'll probably make a separate page for this later on but for now this will do. I'm most active on my Instagram, Tumblr & Facebook currently but there are some other links in here too, in case you want to do a little nosey!

Tumblr - www.hazelstewartart.tumblr.com

Facebook - www.facebook.com/hazelstewartart

Deviantart - www.hazelstewart.deviantart.com & my old account cuteasabutton-xo

Instagram - hazelstewart93

Twitter - hazelstewart93

Pinterest - hazelstewart93

Hello and Welcome!

First blog posts are always the worst. So I may as well just delve right in!

Hello there! My name is Hazel and I enjoy drawing and painting. At least I do most of the time. Unfortunately for the last couple of years I haven't been doing art as much as I would have liked to for many reasons. But the main reason being I put too much pressure on myself for the stuff I made to be up to a particular standard. I would have never labelled myself as a perfectionist but in certain ways I probably could be called one. I see this as more of a hindrance than a help.

So recently I have embarked on getting back into the swing of things and trying to rid myself of the unnecessary pressure I have been putting on myself. So this year I decided to set myself the challenge of sketching something, no matter how big or small, everyday of 2016. Within this challenge I'm also trying to push myself slowly out of my norm so by the end of the year I'll be able to look back through my sketches and see variety, instead of the same old faces. Of course I love portraiture but it can get a little boring if that's all you make. By drawing new things I wouldn't usually think to draw and using different materials, I'm finding art to be a little more interesting and enjoyable. At the moment at least (I'm only on day eight!).

My goal is for sketching to become like second nature and for it to inspire me to go on to make bigger projects with hopefully original(ish) ideas. At the moment I'm just sketching but hopefully with time I can do more. It's almost like I'm getting in touch with my old self at risk of sounding corny. Art used to be such a big part of my life and identity but recent years took me in a different direction. I just feel the need now to get back to my roots.

If you made it through this awkward first post, well done you! I hope you stick around! :)

xoxo